The abusive man’s problem with anger is almost the opposite of what is commonly believed. The reality is:
Your abusive partner doesn’t have a problem with HIS anger; he has a problem with YOUR anger.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you —as will happen to any abused woman from time to time —he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straightjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via queeringmisogyny)
I’m commenting just to add that I think this can be even more difficult to counteract with female abusers, because as far as I know they’re statistically less likely to be physically violent (obviously plenty still are)— there’s an element of socialized female interaction wherein women are punished for being openly hostile to one another, which means female abusers are likely to be more covert and subtle about their abuse. It’s harder to call them on it without looking or feeling crazy, because how can you prove that they’re being cruel when they’re hurling damage at you in the form of backhanded compliments or advice?
My intention isn’t at all to downplay the seriousness of male-on-female abuse. I suppose I’m just wary of things that use only male pronouns for the antagonist, as if women only have men to fear. There’s plenty to fear from each other as well, when it comes to emotional AND physical abuse, and it’s important to be able to recognize it for what it is. It took me years (lucky for me, only a few) but the scars still run pretty deep.
If you’re a girl and you hit, punch, or physically harm your boyfriend in any way it’s still considered abuse and you’re equally as much of a piece of shit as any guy that hits his girlfriend. Seriously the amount of girls that disagree with this is ridiculous, and they’re all fucking stupid. Sorry not sorry.
HUGE TRIGGER WARNING FOR RAPE. it’s NOT an easy read.
if you can, however, please read it.
yeah im sorry for not putting a trigger warning i apologise for that :(
Brooklyn Protest - March 13th
Protesters and police clash during Wednesday’s march against the police killing of Kimani Gray. Shortly after the march began, police blocked the crowd from crossing the street, protesters tried to cross the street while they had the light but police on scooters drove into the crowd and parked on the sidewalk corner. A video that was released on Youtube shows cops shoving and throwing protesters who has their hands raised defensively. After attempting to arrest someone, protesters ran back into the into the crowd. After the first clash, protesters pushed through police scooters and took the streets. The majority of the activists and live streamers were left behind when the NYPD closed the gap but those who got through marched in the street chanting “Fuck The Police!” and “Justice For Kiki!”. The crowd consisted mainly of young, black locals who were familiar with each other and personally knew Gray. Those who were left behind were mostly the same tamed activists who led today and Tuesday’s protest.
After playing cat and mouse with police, the NYPD caught up and forced us onto the sidewalk with scooters set snatch squads on corners to make random arrests. In total, 46 people were arrested, most were brutalized by police. Nearly half of the cop watch crew who attended, were arrested and a “Frozen Zone” was declared on Flatbush, banning media from the area and subjecting anyone to arrest for not following police orders. It basically means the area is under what seems like temporary martial law. The last times the NYPD declared a Frozen Zone was on the 10th anniversary of 9/11 after rumors of a terrorist threat and during the OWS raid at Zuccotti Park when the media were banned from coming anywhere near two blocks of the park.
Late Saturday night in Brooklyn, 2 undercover NYPD officers shot and killed 16 year old Kimani Gray. According to the police the teen pointed a gun at them, but according to witnesses in the above video Kimani, was “running for his life” and yelling for the police to “stop”. The undercover cops said they singled Kimani out, because he was with a group of men and he adjusted his waistband in a suspicious manner.
Kimani’s sister Mahnefah Gray, said that a witness told her it was this “suspicious” waistband adjusting that caused the police to shoot and kill her brother. She and others that knew Kimani never knew him to have a gun. Kimani’s cousin Malik Vernon insisted Kimani didn’t own a gun. According to another witness Kimani said ,“Please don’t let me die.” One of the officers replied, “Stay down, or we’ll shoot you again.” Kimani had just returned from a baby shower, and was killed only minutes after he was dropped off.
Thursday (December 20) afternoon in midtown New York City (57th street and 10th avenue) a handful of NYPD thugs stood around waiting for an ambulance to pick up a man they had arrested and then put into a bodybag. The bag covered the man´s entire body, except for his boots.
The man could be heard saying to the officers, “You´ve had me on the ground for an hour! I can´t get transported or nothing!? when you take this off my eyes, I´m taking everybody´s names and numbers!” In response, the officers just stood around laughing because they know, just as well as we all do, that NYPD officers can get away with almost any kind of mental, verbal, or physical abuse and violence against those they arrest.
When the ambulance finally arrived, the officers picked up the man, still in the bag, and roughly put him onto a stretcher. The ambulance took him away. It is thought that the man might be one of the neighborhood´s homeless people who often sit in front of stores in the area. It is not known by us what the situation was that led up to the arrest, or why the officers put the man into the bag. The fact that he was sent away in an ambulance, and not in a police car, is indicative that the man had health problems.
I guess it was only a matter of time until America’s Para-military police started using SOP from the Guantanamo Book of How To Dehumanise And Dispose Of The Enemy
just nope wow
The saddest part is this won’t get nearly as much attention as the NYPD officer buying a homeless man a pair of shoes.
Rapid City, South Dakota – A member and resident of the Cheyenne River Sioux Tribe of South Dakota came home from a 14-day stay in the hospital to find he had been horribly mutilated. Three Ks can be easily seen carved or burned into his abdomen in the shocking photograph taken the day after he came home.
Vernon Traversie, who is completely blind, said his nightmare began when he had a heart attack while at the Heart Doctors office in Rapid City last August. He said they immediately sent him a few blocks away to Rapid City Regional Hospital for emergency surgery….read the rest: LAKOTA MAN ACCUSES HOSPITAL OF HEALTHCARE HATE CRIME, By Evelyn Red Lodge
Please read and reblog.
This is so awful it hurts.
I have no words.
YOU GUYS THIS IS THE AREA I COME FROM.
This hopefully explains a lot of the angry that I have.
Waiting for some creatively inspired headdress wearers to honor this indian man by activism on his behalf.
In the meantime, the rest of us can get busy on this.
Oh, dear god.
Some days, you wish there really WAS a hell for the people that did this.